Mix And Match Enthusiast T-Shirts

'The top and shorts are a perfect match.' (Sales assistant to customer in a jigsaw outfit).

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Lovers

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

"We're becoming very similar in a lot of ways."

His And Her T-shirts

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

'HI, Mom. Meet my new significant other.'

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

Couple in Green

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'Aha, this is exactly the same opening position as Botvinnick versus Capablanca in Rotterdam 1938.'

"Sweet? I thought you wanted someone with edge."

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

"What I like most about this is the trail mix."

"Now that's she mastered martinis, let's move on to daquiris."

'So are you folks together?'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

Footballers chasing a ball.

Woman and Dog Wearing Same Outfit.

"Once. Just once I'd like to pick out my own outfit for work."

'It's hard for him to do much work around the house. He only has half-times available.'

'Where are you guys going?' - 'We are going on strike.'

"Ah...I see your mistake. We're, Proctor and Proctor. You're looking for the proctologist, next door."