Mix And Match Enthusiast Pillows

'The top and shorts are a perfect match.' (Sales assistant to customer in a jigsaw outfit).

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Lovers

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

Mary Berry

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

My wife! My best friend! My matching tracksuit!

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

"We're becoming very similar in a lot of ways."

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

His And Her T-shirts

'HI, Mom. Meet my new significant other.'

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

Couple in Green

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

"Sweet? I thought you wanted someone with edge."

"Man, I love roughing it out here...but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

"What I like most about this is the trail mix."

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

"Now that's she mastered martinis, let's move on to daquiris."

Woman and Dog Wearing Same Outfit.

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

Footballers chasing a ball.

'Aha, this is exactly the same opening position as Botvinnick versus Capablanca in Rotterdam 1938.'

'So are you folks together?'

"Once. Just once I'd like to pick out my own outfit for work."

'It's hard for him to do much work around the house. He only has half-times available.'

'Where are you guys going?' - 'We are going on strike.'