Mix-up Enjoyer T-Shirts

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

Busy mom drops a child off at the kennels and is on her way to dropping the dog off at kindergarten.

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

"Frankincense you fool...."

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

Early director's cut of Alien featuring Humpty Dumpty

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

Gone with the Wind in the Willows

Barney Vs. Godzilla

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

Alternative acupuncture.

'The top and shorts are a perfect match.' (Sales assistant to customer in a jigsaw outfit).

'Employment service? I asked for keypunchers, not cowpunchers!'

"Hand me a number eight iron."

"Ah...I see your mistake. We're, Proctor and Proctor. You're looking for the proctologist, next door."

Animal Hospital.

Whoops! I've brought the wrong husband home from the shops.

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

"A mistake, I have made."

"I'm sorry, but I heard it as 'build a park'!"

'No son, not like that.'