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'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"What a coincidence! I enjoy sleeping and running around the house for no reason, too."

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

'My dad is away, so we can play...'

'Well, Dear, if you must roam about the house dressed as a chicken, that's fine, but please close the drapes when you do!'

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

'Oops - it's not a stethoscope - it's my ipod!'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

"Anything catching your eye? Maybe one of my tia's antique perfume bottles? Or this rare cheese grater owned by one of Ricky Martin's entourage? Always a snappy icebreaker."

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

'My client requests a postponement, Your Honor -- he's having a bad hair day.'

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

Early director's cut of Alien featuring Humpty Dumpty

"Frankincense you fool...."

Gone with the Wind in the Willows

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

"I am here on behalf of a concerned caller, why are you wearing shorts in winter?"

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

"I won't be at work today. My feet are stuck in a tub of cement!"

Whoops! I've brought the wrong husband home from the shops.

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

Animal Hospital.