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'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"What a coincidence! I enjoy sleeping and running around the house for no reason, too."

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

'My dad is away, so we can play...'

'Well, Dear, if you must roam about the house dressed as a chicken, that's fine, but please close the drapes when you do!'

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

'My client requests a postponement, Your Honor -- he's having a bad hair day.'

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

'Oops - it's not a stethoscope - it's my ipod!'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

"Frankincense you fool...."

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

Gone with the Wind in the Willows

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

"I am here on behalf of a concerned caller, why are you wearing shorts in winter?"

"My grandma left it to me in her will. . . and the little message on the back assuages my guilt!"

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"I won't be at work today. My feet are stuck in a tub of cement!"

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

Whoops! I've brought the wrong husband home from the shops.

Animal Hospital.