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"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"Hold it a second. I want to watch this."

Busy mom drops a child off at the kennels and is on her way to dropping the dog off at kindergarten.

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

"Frankincense you fool...."

'George...George! Have you seen the fly-spray anywhere?'

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

'If you please, sir, Mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with the mixture!'

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

"I think there's been a clerical error!"

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'There is no need to be alarmed, Mr. Shaw - there's been a mix-up in the laundry.'

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

Alternative acupuncture.

'Employment service? I asked for keypunchers, not cowpunchers!'

"Hand me a number eight iron."

"Ah...I see your mistake. We're, Proctor and Proctor. You're looking for the proctologist, next door."

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

Animal Hospital.

"Oh, BUDDHIST camp. Our bad, Cap'n."

Whoops! I've brought the wrong husband home from the shops.

"A mistake, I have made."

'It looks like it could be a strike.'