Misunderstanding Aficionado Pillows

'I can't be overdrawn, silly -- I have free checking!'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"What? The invitation said, wear your favorite mask."

"No, I don't have a sick cat."

'No, I thought you were John Simpson.'

"I'm not the man you married...you live next door."

'Hi, Mr. Back... you asked me to call you...'

'Oh it's not what it looks like... We're lawyers!'

Desert Island BBQ

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Adult Absence Notes.

Houdini.

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'Now that I think about it, you're right: Like bankers, we thrive on the misfortune of others...'

"Next, I will make the excitement and enthusiasm of the start of the school year disappear."

A turkey displays a deck of cards.

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

The Hypnotato,

Why did the chicken cross the road? Hang on, I'll Google it.

"I think it is most admirable," said Alice, "that you gave up a thriving law practice to be with this lovely child."

Houdini's Dog.

'It's big and it's yellow.'

"Riddle your salad with pepper, sir?"

"Rayna's been kidnapped! And its all my fault!"

"The working title needs work."

Paddlithic Period

'The school counselor says I have well-developed motor skills. Will you bring me a car?'

'If you're not sorry then I'm not sorry. . .but if you're sorry then I'm sorry.'

Rabbits $5.

Anecdote Magazine