Missionaries Pillows

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

"We'd like to share a message about Dog."

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

'Hello? Al's Round the World Tours?'

Lesbian civil partnership.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

Just married and Just Single and Happy.