Missing Stock Options Gifts

"I understand he's compensating for having been left out of the stock option programme."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

The day the stock market went UP.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

'Worker or Soldier: Is that all you can suggest? Not much of a choice is there!...'

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Oh I don't know - if you've seen one wall street crash, yhou've seen them all."

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

Bull and Bear Nightmare

"My favorite time of year is earnings season."

Fortune - Lost a Fortune.

'Today the market fell because Bernanke said the word 'down' more than once in a speech.'

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'The New York stock exchange is up twelve and a half points n early trading. Nasdaq is down on and a quarter!'

'We ran your portfolio through the Bull-O-Meter and it showed excellent growth potential. . .'

'I'm sorry, the stock market got to me first.'

'Get my broker on the phone, please, stock not pawn?'

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

'I'll show you my investment opportunity if you'll show me yours.'

'Yes...our chief analyst is recommending further investments in the new year.'

Investments: thrill-seekers welcome.

"Apparently shares can go down, as well as plunging into meltdown and spinning into free-fall."