Misprint Master Gifts

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Face painting.

'They all want to play the star.'

George Michael

Dialogue

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Robbie Williams

Karaoke night.

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

'Happy now?'

'This is my natural habitat.'

"Gracie, I'm so proud that you made the academic decathlon team! Here...have some of my special green tea! Ithelps you concentrate and improves your memory!"

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)