Mismatched Duo Humorist Pillows

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

"You lick, I'll dry."

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

Two friars ringing bells

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

'The man at the beer store said this ale is made without any harmful chemicals, so I added some myself.'

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."