Mismatched Duo Humorist T-Shirts

Beer, Lance? It's noon! Haven't you heard, Gloria? It's not just for breakfast anymore.

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

"You lick, I'll dry."

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

Two friars ringing bells

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."