Mismatch Muser Pillows

'We met on a 'blind date'. It was more of a 'bland date' really.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

'It's every SNOW flake that's different, Billy - Not every CORN flake.'

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

'Painter'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

Covid 19 Variant

"Wait? I thought it was a 'look'?"

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

'Let's go back to your place. I want to put all your CD's into the wrong cases.'

'I'm a court jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

The Origin of Laundry Day

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

"On the internet you said you were tall."

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"