Mismatch Observer Pillows

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'Well this is awkward.'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

Vaccine Resistant Strains of Coronavirus

Alligator Bars

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'How can you be so cheap?'

Opposing viewpoint.

See no evil, hear no evil & speak no evil.

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

'Let's go back to your place. I want to put all your CD's into the wrong cases.'

"Bottoms up."

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"I'm sorry, I think there's been a typo."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

The Short Hop From Boomer To Delusional

"No, I'm not wearing a black sweater. My black cat sheds a lot."

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Economic Crisis

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

'Our cat doesn't do any tricks, but he's pretty tricky.'