Mismatch Observer Pillows

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'Well this is awkward.'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

Vaccine Resistant Strains of Coronavirus

Alligator Bars

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'How can you be so cheap?'

Opposing viewpoint.

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

'Let's go back to your place. I want to put all your CD's into the wrong cases.'

"Bottoms up."

John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"No, I'm not wearing a black sweater. My black cat sheds a lot."

The Short Hop From Boomer To Delusional

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

Economic Crisis

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

'Our cat doesn't do any tricks, but he's pretty tricky.'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'