Misleading Mastery Gifts

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

Children playing in the street

Communication Breakdowns

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

'The best way to protect your privacy is through a flood of misinformation obscuring the truth.'

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

Dog Dreams

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

'She's throwing a dinner party - Just for me...'

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

A Dummy Corporation.

'I'm afraid you've got the wrong department.'

"No...I said aperitif!!"

"Because of your age, I'm going to recommend doing nothing."

Consternation/Control

'A table for four please - she has an imaginary friend.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'Maybe the pilot crash landed here.'

Naive to its unconventional approach, Wyatt is victimized by the rare and elusive Mumble Bee.

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

'Covid airborne'.

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

'What? You said court-appropriate attire!'

'You misunderstood. Our ad says that we can help you get out of debt.'