Misinterpretation Analyst Pillows

Love at First Sight

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"My guess it's guacamole."

"I'd like to be a shake-it-off kind of person, but I'm more of a cling-to-it-and-focus-on-it-until-it's-irrevocably-weaved-into-my-psyche sort of gal."

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"We fell for this last time remember..."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

"Duh!"

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

Dyslexic Doomsayers.

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

"...But I don't want to get in the back Norma, I want to stay in the front with you"

"The virus mutation equally affects the left and the right."

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

Sorry about the hug. I thought your sign meant, "I love you, too."

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

"Forgive me Father, I lied on my 'reason for unsubscribing.'"

"Was that a mixed signal?"

"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'