Misfortune Relisher Pillows

"My entire day has been like this!"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'Can our software do that?'

Desert Island Mishap

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

'I told you, if the LA branch steals our thunder, there is no more dialogue.'

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

My own museum.

The Wheel of Life

Freak Accident Specialist

'I'll just grab a coffee...'

Yeah, right, like Superman was the only flavor they had. Ice cream.

The ghost of christmas regifting

"It's a bit of a 'fixer upper'. You just have to chop down the forest, obtain planning permission, and build the house."

"You just put it in the slot - you don't to push the 'send' key!"

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

"Hello, my name is Doctor Crippen."

"The first one depicts our sales compared to Snedly Electronics, and the second one depicts the speed of our corporate jet compared to Snedly's."

"So what brings you to this godforsaken end of the bar?"

"I'm into whole grains and long dirt baths, and I'm looking for someone who's not afraid to cross the road."

'I know I'm a small investor. What makes me mad is that when I started with you I was a large investor."

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

'What a lousy day! The computer, the car, and my stock portfolio all crashed.'

That's Tivo. He'll hang around in case you miss a joke and want it told later.

Walter from Gamblers Anonymous

Road ends.

'Misfortune Cookies: A piano will fall on your motorcycle in the near future.'

Laurel, it's Rudy. Are you busy? It's noon. I'm at work -- teaching. Of course. I'm sorry to bother you. By the way, Armstrong cut back my hours, Computer Villa has banished me, I'm bored and broke and I'm a loser. Talk to you later. Oh give me a break.

A dishevelled man holds up his hand

Not your day.

'My wife left me, my son's flunked out of college, my daughter's living with a rock band and I have athele's foot, high blood pressure and you're complaining about a lousy toaster!'