Misfortune Enthusiast Pillows

'What a lousy day! The computer, the car, and my stock portfolio all crashed.'

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'And right here they merged...'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

'Heads we declare bankruptcy, tails we try to buy out a profitable megacorp...'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

'Oh my... It looks like you have only 24 hours left to live...'

"It feeds blood to our brains...and that makes us smarter!"

'Do you have clothes for winning the lottery?'

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

Parisian Misguided Tours.

Tombola Winner

Leaving America to chance, the USA being eaten by a die

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you win.'

'You will be appointed principal of a school and you will resist change for your entire career,'

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

Restroom Practical Joke.

"Doreen, the cat's after the parrot again!"

"You threw the wrench again, didn't you?"

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."