Misfortune Humor Lover Pillows

'Misfortune Cookies: A piano will fall on your motorcycle in the near future.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Safe driver.

'I had a rough year in the market. I can't attract gold diggers anymore. The best I can hope for is a silver digger.'

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

"Call the inspector and tell him to cancel today, that something has come up."

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

'What a lousy day! The computer, the car, and my stock portfolio all crashed.'

'I told you not to argue with the ref, Dewey.'

"Any ideas? I'm terrible with cursive writing."

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

Walter from Gamblers Anonymous

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

Frog gets the Fly. Ouch

Bad Breakups.

Golf Cart Punctures

Vacuum-salesman clown gets door slammed on his foot.

"Sorry, I haven't had chance to watch much TV since I went to turn down the radio, tripped over a magazine and a framed poster fell on my head..."

Orville was so close the landing the big accounts.

Trust fund trust fall.

Tina's Nail Bar.

Flopsy wakes up one day and suddenly realizes why she never succeeded at anything.

"Why do you always assume the worst of people?"

Oh my heart

Dyslexic Workers Union

"I used to ooze sexuality, but it turned out to just be Chlamydia."