Misfortune Humor Lover Pillows

'Misfortune Cookies: A piano will fall on your motorcycle in the near future.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Safe driver.

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'I had a rough year in the market. I can't attract gold diggers anymore. The best I can hope for is a silver digger.'

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

Freak Accident Specialist

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"Call the inspector and tell him to cancel today, that something has come up."

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

Ernie, that's not what he meant when he said, "Listen closely to what I'm going to tell you."

Classic Film Festival. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told you it wasn't a buddy movie!

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

'I told you not to argue with the ref, Dewey.'

'What a lousy day! The computer, the car, and my stock portfolio all crashed.'

"Any ideas? I'm terrible with cursive writing."

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

Walter from Gamblers Anonymous

Frog gets the Fly. Ouch

Bad Breakups.

Golf Cart Punctures

"Honey, has there been an increase in gravity recently?"

Vacuum-salesman clown gets door slammed on his foot.

"Sorry, I haven't had chance to watch much TV since I went to turn down the radio, tripped over a magazine and a framed poster fell on my head..."

Orville was so close the landing the big accounts.

Trust fund trust fall.

Quit Hogging the Job

Tina's Nail Bar.

Oh my heart

"Why do you always assume the worst of people?"

Flopsy wakes up one day and suddenly realizes why she never succeeded at anything.

Dyslexic Workers Union