Misery Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"Needs to get a life"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Trappist Monk Discord

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Look, I'm dying. Gotta go."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'I hate Mondays.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"I reap and I reap and it's like he doesn't even notice."

Turkey Autopsy

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'