Mortality Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Well, how do you think the interview went?"

"Hey! I knew I could depend on you two!"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

Alaskan Cryogenic Society.

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

"If only they knew we can still get texts up here."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Dear, I've bounced back from cancer, two heart attacks and a stroke. You know what kills me?" "Obviously nothing."

I'm afraid of heights.

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

IRS. They are both inevitable but at least the IRS grants extensions.

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

Christmas Sale Special

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

"It just doesn't have the same panache."

"Kick me"

"Murchison is still in denial."

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

'That was Larry...always trying to improve himself.'

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'