Mortality Humor Fan Pillows

"Kick me"

Night of the Zombonies.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"Perfect! By the way, I'm a huge fan of your movies!"

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

Peripheral vision cow

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

IRS. They are both inevitable but at least the IRS grants extensions.

"Hey! I knew I could depend on you two!"

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"At that moment, the evil witch cast a spell on the prince that would force him to do her bidding."

Christmas Sale Special

"Harumph. . !"

"Well, how do you think the interview went?"

"It just doesn't have the same panache."

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

"If it's worth anything, I just choked to death in a vegan joint."

Doctors having a discussion with Death.

"I come from a family of long livers."

"The first eight times it was curiosity. The last time I was run over."

"I'm not saying Heaven isn't perfect, but I wish China didn't own so much of our debt."

Chinese Funerals.

"I'm sorry for the delay. We're still waiting to get approval from your insurance company."

Angels fighting after car accident

No Hoodies

Death never accounted for Mrs O'Grady's handbag.

'Throw them back They're not what nine out of ten doctor's recommend for a headache when stranded on a desert island.'

"Fire drill?"

' Well..That's the last of our water.'

Grim Reaper at the Checkout.