Misery Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

"Needs to get a life"

Trappist Monk Discord

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'I hate Mondays.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Look, I'm dying. Gotta go."

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

Turkey Autopsy

"I reap and I reap and it's like he doesn't even notice."

'What does it say, Dad?'