Misery Enthusiasts Gifts

'You will be now.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Time for bed, guys."

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

Demonization: Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

"You have to fly me up there! I'm the only one who can help Godzilla with his form!"

'IT'S NOT YOU!'

"It's hard to trust those Beanbirds. They're always 'up' to something!"

Cleaner in a museum getting scared by the exhibits.

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

'You know how they say, no matter how bad you got it, there's always someone worse off? Well I'm that someone.'

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

"Wait, wait, don't panic! I forgot to set the clock back."

Jerusalem's Got Talent

"Psssst! Jimmy, wake up man! I think you're having a nightmare!"

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

"Apparently, this curse has a lot more going for it than we figured."

"Oh, come on. How can you be surprised to see me?"

'Hey! I hope you got clean feet - we have to swim in this.'

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

"Nice one Solly, but it's a word of mouth campaign"

'Personally, I think you're losing your focus.'

"Wanna go out sometime – soon?"

'I had a vision of my own death. I really go out in style.'

'Nice catch, idiot!'

Death leaves a 'Back Later' note on the door.