Humor Relisher Pillows

"It's a bit of a 'fixer upper'. You just have to chop down the forest, obtain planning permission, and build the house."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Bad fake tan day.

'Can our software do that?'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'I told you, if the LA branch steals our thunder, there is no more dialogue.'

'The way I see it, with all the talk shows out there, nobody needs a wife!'

'You better have a hunting license.'

'Damn early birds.'

IRS, 'Two jobs? -- Oh, the greedy type, eh?'

'I'll just grab a coffee...'

"You just put it in the slot - you don't to push the 'send' key!"

"Hello, my name is Doctor Crippen."

"The first one depicts our sales compared to Snedly Electronics, and the second one depicts the speed of our corporate jet compared to Snedly's."

'I think you'd better cut that guy off'

Fortunately there was an interpreter for those who understood sign language.

"I'm into whole grains and long dirt baths, and I'm looking for someone who's not afraid to cross the road."

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

"My comfort food upset me."

Ways and Means/Means and Ends

"My entire day has been like this!"

Road ends.

"Honestly, you'll do anything to get out of helping out around here!"

Man wearing 'will work for food' sign on board of directors: 'WOW!'

"Alexa give me one reason to get out of bed today."

"Please don't be on backwards."

'I seized the day, and it seized right back.'

'How can you tell?'

This Time... Rhett Gets The Picture

'I did ‘seize the moment' once. Pretty sure it was the wrong one though.'

An old man walking towards his grave