Miracle Mockery Gifts

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

The Adventures of God

Tiny Visions

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"I'll need to see your responsible service of alcohol certificate."

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

Walking on Water

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

The Fountain of Youth.

Sea of Galilee - Please Do Not Walk On The Water.

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

'Moses, I'm going to have to fine you for failing to get an Environmental Impact Statement before parting the Red Sea.'

'Who the heck has parted the Red Sea?!'

"You definately have a musical ear"

"D'you have sparkling?"

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

'I do wish he'd stop showing off in front of his friends.'

'Wow... Here comes 'Holy' Andy Jones, king of headers!'

'Why don't we wear business suits and call ourselves marketing executives? We could make a lot more money.'

"Look. Jesus healed my severed leg."

'Relax dear, the tide isn't due in for ages.'

'Crowd control has never been easier since this Moses guy joined up.'