Miracle Grower Gifts

"I could use some holy water in my garden, Father, It will be a miracle if anything blooms."

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Tiny Visions

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Jeff realised it was probably time to discontinue his subscription to 'Office Plant of the Month'.

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

Moses gets REALLY lost in the desert.

"That's my boy!"

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'Memorable miracles' from 'burning bush' to 'low cal ice cream'

Moses Separates the Cream. . .

"Holy water, holy water...."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

'Waiter, there's a mysterious stain on this napkin.'

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

"Are you sure you sent out those invitations?"

Hydroponic Gardening

'Fish and bread? That's it? Seriously?'

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

'It's a medical miracle. According to your notes you should have been dead years ago!'

"Your recovery has defied all known science...so let's just keep this between ourselves!"

Jesus falling over a wave.

Moses Parting the Red Tea

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

"Which button on the phone did you press?"