Miracle Grower Pillows

"I could use some holy water in my garden, Father, It will be a miracle if anything blooms."

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Tiny Visions

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

Jeff realised it was probably time to discontinue his subscription to 'Office Plant of the Month'.

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"That's my boy!"

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

'Memorable miracles' from 'burning bush' to 'low cal ice cream'

'Waiter, there's a mysterious stain on this napkin.'

"Are you sure you sent out those invitations?"

"Holy water, holy water...."

Hydroponic Gardening

'Fish and bread? That's it? Seriously?'

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

'It's a medical miracle. According to your notes you should have been dead years ago!'

"Your recovery has defied all known science...so let's just keep this between ourselves!"

Moses Parting the Red Tea

Jesus falling over a wave.

"Which button on the phone did you press?"

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"