Mini Publicist Gifts

'The reason your mom wears combat boots - and I talk about this in my book...'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'She dressed herself this morning.'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

'I won't be writing this year, you can find my list on my blog.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

JET (Part I)

"Your press kit said you were lots of fun."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

Snow White and her Seven people.

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"So you can tweet. That's why you have to learn the alphabet."

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'Burke's B-list celebrities.'

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

"It's a blood curdling novel about the brutal murder of a publisher who rejected a book about the brutal murder of a publisher..."

Man milks a book.

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book