Mini Barrister Gifts

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

Trial by Media

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Barristers

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Bailiff."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."