Mindfulness Maven Gifts

"Nothing happens next. This is it."

"I feel we're making progress."

Meditator thinks about shoes and chocolate.

"What were you saying? My inner voice drowned you out for a second."

"That's my survival kit. It has a meditation tape, aspirin and rose-coloured glasses."

"I'm in securities." "I'm in insecurities."

The Pursuit of Happiness

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

We see this on occasion...someone self-actualizes and becomes empowered simultaneously and they spontaneously combust.'

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

We'll now take a minute for silent meditation.

'You shouldn't worry. Aside from the duck bill and the eggs, you're a perfectly normal mammal.'

'Happiness isn't really the point any more - I'm the Bluebird of COMPLIANCE.'

The birth of self-consciousnss: 'Holy smoke, I'm standing here!'

'The wisdom of life is to grow older in a warm climate.'

"You notice how these telephone pitches always come just when you're about to achieve satori?"

'You need to lower your expectations. I have. I no longer expect you to get well.'

'Let's start by getting a handle on your shyness.'

'No, please continue. We're finally making some progress.'

Man has a storm over his head, which ends up growing a flower on his head.

'It seems like I'm just running on autopilot.' 'How do you feel about that?'

"The real treasure in life is being present."

'I feel wired. I want to feel wireless.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

Nowhere is just one space away from Now Here.

"Move along, folks...nothingness to see here."

'I'm sorry for laughing, but you low self-esteem people are so pathetic.'

'We all have trade-offs in life, Mrs. Quigley. I wanted to be a bartender.'

Psychologist to patient: 'Your time is up, but I'd like to see you again next Flabberday at fifty-three o'clock.'

Stress Clinic - Stepped out to smell the roses.

'...I still think I'd be happier if I were you.'

"Be mindful of the pennies and the pounds will be mindful of themselves."

Working from OM.

'We're closed... the Yoga teacher's bent out of shape over the acupuncturist's being stuck on the aroma therapist!'