Mindfulness Maven Gifts

"Nothing happens next. This is it."

"I feel we're making progress."

"What were you saying? My inner voice drowned you out for a second."

"That's my survival kit. It has a meditation tape, aspirin and rose-coloured glasses."

"I'm in securities." "I'm in insecurities."

The Pursuit of Happiness

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

We see this on occasion...someone self-actualizes and becomes empowered simultaneously and they spontaneously combust.'

We'll now take a minute for silent meditation.

'You shouldn't worry. Aside from the duck bill and the eggs, you're a perfectly normal mammal.'

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

'The wisdom of life is to grow older in a warm climate.'

The birth of self-consciousnss: 'Holy smoke, I'm standing here!'

'Happiness isn't really the point any more - I'm the Bluebird of COMPLIANCE.'

"You notice how these telephone pitches always come just when you're about to achieve satori?"

'You need to lower your expectations. I have. I no longer expect you to get well.'

'It seems like I'm just running on autopilot.' 'How do you feel about that?'

Man has a storm over his head, which ends up growing a flower on his head.

'Let's start by getting a handle on your shyness.'

'No, please continue. We're finally making some progress.'

"The real treasure in life is being present."

'I feel wired. I want to feel wireless.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

Working from OM.

Turn it over to your Higher Power and fuhgeddaboutit.

'We're closed... the Yoga teacher's bent out of shape over the acupuncturist's being stuck on the aroma therapist!'

Caution: Free-floating anxieties.

'I'm sorry for laughing, but you low self-esteem people are so pathetic.'

Psychologist to patient: 'Your time is up, but I'd like to see you again next Flabberday at fifty-three o'clock.'

'...I still think I'd be happier if I were you.'

'We all have trade-offs in life, Mrs. Quigley. I wanted to be a bartender.'

Stress Clinic - Stepped out to smell the roses.

"Now. Hear. This."

Cartesian Chopped Liver

"Try falling down and scraping your knee. Then you can talk to me about pain."