Millennium Mavens Gifts

'It's a way to make money.'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

Medieval headlines.

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

'Isn't that the ghastly couple we met last summer in Rock?'

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

Dracula Admires His Offspring.

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

"It needs some work, but it does have good bones."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

"Good lord, Agnes, the dreaded millennium bug has struck!"

'If my phone is a smart phone, is your wall phone a dumb phone?'

"Guys my age get all their news from 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.'"

'Boat thefts are up, so I invested in a bigger padlock.'

Mechanization of sugar cane harvesting

'Someday, I'm sure there will be a smaller, more mobile version.'

"Oh my God, I HAVE to touch your hair!"

'Would you mind throwing out some of your spare motorcycle parts? I'd like to park my car in the garage.'

Hairstyle Inspiration

"Really looks like they could use a miracle about now sir!"

A semi-automated coconut harvester.

'Surviving the workout is nothing compared to surviving the support group.'

Gym'll Fix it

"The new motivational posters have been unpopular, yet effective."

Psychic powers!

'Terrible pile-up. One of the Zimmer frames jack-knifed...'

"I thought you measured the distance to the ground. I hope Bob's okay."

"No offense taken. I don't remember you either."

We'll be happy to admit you when you are off the phone.