Millennium Anticipator Pillows

God next to earth 'Sensational offer, last days'

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Prepper Dog

'It's the perfect time to move up the evolutionary ladder! The climate is stable, we have no natural predators, and interest rates may never be this low again!'

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

'No, Brian, an asteroid impact would never take us by surprise like it did the dinosaurs because we're highly intelligent and they were very stupid and dull-witted.'

'Babies Unlimited, free delivery.'

"I've half a mind to protest."

'I went in to get my mortgage renewed. I said: 'Make it for eight months and four days!'. . . Am I only the one who thinks the world ends in December?'

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

Thought for Wednesday

"At this time of the summer, I hate time."

'Calendar 2000' door to door salesman

"Now remember not to give away the big surprise!"

The apocalypse everyone has feared is finally here. Hi, I'm Theron Heir. I write Rudy Park. That's it? A scrawny guy in flip-flops and bermuda shorts, wearing a man-purse? Don't provoke him. Anything can be in that man-purse. I would think the apocalypse would be taller.

The End Is Near.

The split end is near.

'Bugger!'

Y2k sign with bombs for the zeros and a man with a flute of champagne leaning on one

Grim reaper is selling 2012 calendars. A man passing by says-'Talk about adding insult to injury . . . '

"Try not to anticipate trouble, Miss Mead."

'I don't like the way this year is starting out'

The World Will Control-Alt-Delete Soon

'Fortune 500' Fortune teller's stall on Wall Street.

"No, not today. Something's come up."

Four Horsemen of the Acropolis

"Google predicts it's going to be archaeologist."

'Check my calender for tomorrow, Ms. Thompson.'

'I'll bet it waits 'til after the geography test.'

"Tio Henry has been going out with Juanita for some time, huh?"