Millennial Parents Gifts

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Politically Correct Snowperson

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

Fur Baby

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

Upper East Side Dog Park

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

Phone Mittens

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."