Millennial Parents Gifts

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

Politically Correct Snowperson

Wifi in Hell

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"He just said his first word!"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Fur Baby

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

Upper East Side Dog Park

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

Pinata good bags.

'Have you googled me to see how old I was when I was born?'

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

Phone Mittens