Miles To Smiles Alchemist T-Shirts

Mission to Mars. Astronaut Candidate Interviews. You think you'd be a good morale officer? The voyage to Mars and back is 100 million miles. I turn "miles" into "smiles"!

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

Medicinal plants

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Medical Cabinet

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'You are crazy, but in a NICE way.'

'Think outside the seed.'

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

Prozac, Lexapro and Lithium.

"Garbage in, great books out."

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

Brain and heart sweep away the negative

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Coffee

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

'It's both physical and chemical. She works in a lab.'

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

Everything he touches turns to bronze. King Midas' third cousin.

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