Miles Magician T-Shirts

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

Smoke and mirrors.

Inkwell Genie.

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

Lazy plumber.

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'This potion will get you promoted but I can't guarantee a bonus.'

'Remember,Riley-as soon as you clear your desk you may leave early.'

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

Something beautiful comes out of a big mess.

'How do you measure the success of your blog?'

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

Food Science Lab. There's jealousy among the peanut butter molecules. "Smooth" does out all the time and "chunky" can't get a date.

"Steve found it hard to express his feelings."

Ok, the first challenge is to throw out all the cheap crap in the swag bag we just gave you.

"You gotta love the mpg we're getting!"

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

Online Dating

'Yes, it is the new printer...and yes, it works by magic.'

'We're curious as to why you claimed double the amount of miles you slithered for business purposes over the last two tax years?'

"Good evening. It's a pleasure to be here addressing you tonight."

'...and then the wicked witch cast a spell, turning the beautiful princess into a freckled, chubby, little girl.'

Mission to Mars. Astronaut Candidate Interviews. You think you'd be a good morale officer? The voyage to Mars and back is 100 million miles. I turn "miles" into "smiles"!

"What cloak of invisibility? Just admit you misses work yesterday!"

A businessman saws a woman in half.

He was raised by a pack of wolves, and the cleaning lady who came in twice a month.

Ethical investment - piggy bank

"Didn't you want to plant a tree with our grandchild?"

"She checked her boyfriend's internet history and found he'd been downloading jazz."