Midlife Rejuvenator Pillows

"Your contents have shifted."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

New life (organ donation)

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

How Gary got his groove back.

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

"She always gets the upper bunk."

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

'Just give her a chance to cool down. It's probably hormonal.'

"Give her a few minutes, she just realized she's reached the age when you get excited by things like air fryers."

'Jeez, Hon - ain't you ever goin' wear your 'yes' jammies again!?'

'We still like you and all, but ever since you came out of that cocoon. . . I don't know, man. You've changed. . . You've changed.'

"In layman's terms, I just rewound your biological clock."