Midlife Humor Pillows

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Whale Pattern Balding

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'Dang.'

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Same Sexless Marriage

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"In layman's terms, I just rewound your biological clock."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

birthday meets reality

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

"Well, go get a job and move out if your allowance doesn't have the purchasing power it did when you were fourteen."