Midlife Crisis Rider Pillows

"Please--if my wife still loved me, would she have let me buy this motorcycle?"

He kept up his guitar practise...

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

Quick Spring Fling

Midlife: You Are Here.

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"