Midlife Confidence Gifts

I Love Baldies.

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"You used to be that ambitious."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'