Middle-earth Adventurers Gifts

"Your problem is that you live in a fantasy world."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'It's a note...It says I.O.U. one pot of gold.'

J. R. R. Tolkien

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

'See how the fools flee when fantasy role-play is fantasy no longer!'

Child in a bear suit.

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"False alarm - the King is just sleeping. Long sleep the King!"

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Magic Ring to gain entry into Tolkien Archive

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

"You don't have anything planned for the next 196 years, do you?"

"When was your last meta-physical?"

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

Lawrence of Suburbia

The Landlord Of The Rings

"I am the Genie of the Bong! I will grant you... um... I am the Genie of the Bong!"

Mommy and I are back from New Zealand. How was your trip? It was great. I got to see where the Hobbits lived. And there was green everywhere. Then we had to go. They wouldn't grant you and your mom refugee status? No. We tried Antarctica after that. We tried real hard to fit in. But the penguins just would not accept us as part of their society. Tell your mommy Trump's only going to be president for eight short years.

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

"I was NOT huffing and puffing - it's just allergies."

'Oh, he's pretty wise -- I clerked for him.'

Hermes

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

Frank and Ernest Ghost Hunters. The spirit just pinched my backside! You were "polter-goosed"!

'There's got to be more to the Eightfold Path than 'don't worry, be happy.''

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'You were Tolkien in your sleep again...'

"I now offer DVR service for clients for want to see their future later."

"The road head is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

'Words of wisdom? OK, how about, next time take the elevator.'