Middle-earth Explorer Gifts

Magic Ring to gain entry into Tolkien Archive

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

Sauron's Sore Eye

J. R. R. Tolkien

The Landlord Of The Rings

'It'll be ready by next Tuesday.'

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

"I keep reading 'Lord of the Rings' over and over again...!"

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

"Home depot."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Trilby - 'A voice he didn't understand'.

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You must heal yourself.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

Christian and Born again Christian...

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

FAQs.

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

The Path