Middle-class Maven Gifts

'Our clientele is middle class; you know, your average Joe-750ml.'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

Myths and legends...

"Like that?"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Hooray for Bollywood!

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Home Sweet Sign

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"Last chance, or Max here has ways of making you talk."

C Day Lewis.

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

The Venerable Bede

'Poor Adam -- he lost his head start ALREADY.'

An empty 'crime' section in a bookhop

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

Trilby - 'The Moon-dial'.

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

The cry rang out. "There's gold in that there castle in the sky!" And the great beanstalk rush of 1849 had begun.