Middle-class Maven Gifts

'Our clientele is middle class; you know, your average Joe-750ml.'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

Myths and legends...

"Like that?"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Hooray for Bollywood!

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"Last chance, or Max here has ways of making you talk."

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Trilby - 'The Moon-dial'.

Whodunits

'Poor Adam -- he lost his head start ALREADY.'

Sensitivity Reader

The Venerable Bede

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

An empty 'crime' section in a bookhop

The cry rang out. "There's gold in that there castle in the sky!" And the great beanstalk rush of 1849 had begun.