Mid-life Makeover Artist Gifts

'I thought that we would grow old gracefully together, but Bruce has to get 'pumping iron' out of his system first.'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Congratulations on the new you!

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

How Gary got his groove back.

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Phil, you've done a terrific job of reinventing yourself...but we see here you're still just patent pending."

'Take ten years off the top.'

Beauty Shop

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"Don't forget, on the stroke of midnight your clothes will lose their designer labels."

Same Sexless Marriage

'I heard you were going deer hunting so I camouflaged the car!'

'I'm looking for something that reeks moderation and restraint.'

Painting leaves onto a window.

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

'My decorator said I should hang Art on that wall, but I don't think he looks good there!'

'I'm 43, but I'm having it changed to 38 by deed poll.'

Extreme Makeover.

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

"Notice anything different about me?"

Whale Pattern Balding,