Microphone Avoiders Gifts

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

Nervous at a party.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

'Why can't you do that while I'm on the golf course?'

"Back to face-to-face working, lad? I think not! Be off home with you!"

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

'We saw a mouse!'

"Oh, no! People are coming to sit near us! Put up the banner!"

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

"This is where I go to get away from reality TV."

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."

Men shaking hands without touching

Ant banging on his roof with a broom up to football players stomping around above him

"...And as for your terrible elevator music...."