Mi5 Agent Gifts

'I'm a simple man really beneath the code words and the black ops and the multitude of fake passports.'

'I'm afraid I can't go out with you tonight: I'm washing my brain.'

The Anti-Agent

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

CIA report

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"Ok, I found a secure line."

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.