Meter Readers Gifts

Monastery meter reader protesting at vow of silence .

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"It seemed like miles to me!"

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

'Typical man - why can't he just ask for directions?'

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Can I have a look at the map?

'It's very fast-paced. The book was over before I could finish reading it.'

Maternity ward.

"Read me one more, Daddy!"

'Are you going exploring or retrieving a duck?'

'So much for your internal compass.'

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

Manual Labor.

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

"I don't care what the map says, this isn't Sheffield."

'Exactly what the forecast on telly.'

Lab rat in maze, sees 'you are here' map.

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

'What does the Scout manual say about this situation?'

Tripled his reading speed with no loss in comprehension.

Recalculating!

"Do you get the feeling we're being watched?"

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'You'll be happy to know that the meter reader and I have arrived at a mutual understanding.'

'My wife insisted I stop and ask someone for directions. Could you just pretend you're giving them to me?'

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

Rain forest: 'You are here - tomorrow you will be here'