Metalhead Philosopher Gifts

I blame society for putting me here. But mostly I blame metallurgy for keeping me here.

Motorherd

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

"I'm just gonna do one more set."

'Forget whale song, I'm giving them some death metal.'

Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a chocolate bunny at his easter concert.

Now play some Metallica!

Rudy, is there life after battery life? I don't understand, Doug 2.0. If we have made our last computation, if our processor has expired. Do we ascend to some other network, a place without pop-ads and spam? Are you sick, Doug 2.0? Are you dying? Negative. It has contracted a terrible, irreversible virus. Oh! Your laptop has died and you want to know if it's going to heaven. Will it look down on me and still track my movements? How a geek mourns.

Santa Metal Claus

'What do you mean - you want a white wedding?'

Fuzz - there's a rumor about the band that we only play Metallica covers...

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

Musical Mestizo.

'Air guitar 101.'

The Barbarian At the Villiage Gate

And then, right in the middle of a Warrant/Winger double bill, Rob Myers becomes the first person in history to actually have his socks rocked off.

"What if we could see five dimensions?"

'Buy one, you get two free. . .'

'Darling, it's the local Satanists wondering whether they can sing us some black metal.'

Don't forget to switch off your cellphones.

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

The New Philosophy Sitcom: Sartre Trek, Boldly Going Nowhere.

One night, Albert got haunted by a Heavy Metal demon.

'And this is our research staff: Brad covers autos, Cathie covers Big Pharma, and Keith knows heavy metals.'

"...Even Death himself went through a 'Glam Reaper' phase."

"I thought it was just a phase, but now that he's in his 40s I'm not so sure!"

'...Here's another heavy metal wake up call for you!'

No, I'm afraid I don't know any songs in the death metal genre.

'Just which heavy metal did you say Edwards is researching?'

"Noise? Noise?!! That was Bullet for my Valentine!"

Ozzy Osbourne