Metalhead Humorist Gifts

Metalhead

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

"I'm just gonna do one more set."

Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a chocolate bunny at his easter concert.

Santa Metal Claus

"Maybe Earth's primordial soup did contain polyester."

Fuzz - there's a rumor about the band that we only play Metallica covers...

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

"It's our largest truck...and it comes with a spare car."

"See what I mean, it keeps making funny noises."

'Air guitar 101.'

'Italian design, German engineering...' - 'All you'd expect in a British car.'

The Barbarian At the Villiage Gate

"Cash for clunkers 2.0"

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

'Darling, it's the local Satanists wondering whether they can sing us some black metal.'

Future Opera

Don't forget to switch off your cellphones.

'...Here's another heavy metal wake up call for you!'

"There are three courses of action we can take now - I can call you Ace, Chief, or Big Guy."

No, I'm afraid I don't know any songs in the death metal genre.

"I thought it was just a phase, but now that he's in his 40s I'm not so sure!"

"...Even Death himself went through a 'Glam Reaper' phase."

Commodities Exchange. Metals. Tin Items or Less.

'And this is our research staff: Brad covers autos, Cathie covers Big Pharma, and Keith knows heavy metals.'

One night, Albert got haunted by a Heavy Metal demon.

'Just which heavy metal did you say Edwards is researching?'

Destroying Music Speakers.