Metalhead Investor Gifts

'Yes sir, both your precious metal and heavy metal investments are doing well.'

Motorherd

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

"I'm just gonna do one more set."

'Forget whale song, I'm giving them some death metal.'

Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a chocolate bunny at his easter concert.

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

Now play some Metallica!

Santa Metal Claus

Fuzz - there's a rumor about the band that we only play Metallica covers...

'What do you mean - you want a white wedding?'

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'

I blame society for putting me here. But mostly I blame metallurgy for keeping me here.

Musical Mestizo.

'Air guitar 101.'

The Barbarian At the Villiage Gate

And then, right in the middle of a Warrant/Winger double bill, Rob Myers becomes the first person in history to actually have his socks rocked off.

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

Future Opera

'Darling, it's the local Satanists wondering whether they can sing us some black metal.'

Don't forget to switch off your cellphones.

'...Here's another heavy metal wake up call for you!'

"I thought it was just a phase, but now that he's in his 40s I'm not so sure!"

"...Even Death himself went through a 'Glam Reaper' phase."

No, I'm afraid I don't know any songs in the death metal genre.

'And this is our research staff: Brad covers autos, Cathie covers Big Pharma, and Keith knows heavy metals.'

One night, Albert got haunted by a Heavy Metal demon.