Meta Enthusiast Gifts

Artists draw speed lines next to their car.

What's that? It's my second published book. It's called "The Official Biography of Rudy Park, the Loser Who Allegedly Works at My Local Café and Spends All His Free Time Doing Nothing on the Internet." It's just a bunch of empty pages. I know. Very meta, right?

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

The Artist

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Reading my Critics

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

'Bert's dog training.'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

Obsession with the Internet.

Doctor Frankenstein creates a new monster that makes the mob even more blood thirsty. Colour

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

Alternative Medicine

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

WTF?

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"Now you can stop watching those cute cat videos."

Marcel Marceau's parrot

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

"That's just the end of the panel, girl."

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

"If you could just stop threatening to invade us every 5 minutes... that would be great."